Our Values

Transparency (as long as you don’t ask questions)

We’re honest about what matters: our bills, our lifestyle goals, and how you’re not buying enough. But please don’t ask about supplier payments, staff turnover, or why your soil smells like driveway rubble.

Integrity (optional add-on)

We tried integrity once. Didn’t convert. These days, we settle for persuasive videos and gift card campaigns that may or may not be honored.

Customer Service (by appointment only)

We aim to process at least one order per hour. Unless it’s raining. Or sunny. Or a public holiday. Your support means we may respond to your email… someday.

Vision (we just need money)

We dream of houses with waterfront views, weddings with drones, and cars that start themselves. Your purchases fund these visions. Be the change… in our bank account.

Innovation (aka Temu reselling)

We’re proud to be the first gardening store to place bulk Temu orders during a crisis — and pass the savings not to you. If it looks familiar, that’s because it is. 

Empowering the Elderly (to forget their orders)

We value our older customers, because they’re less likely to check tracking, request refunds, or remember that we still owe them seeds.