We’ve revolutionised customer pickup. You get to:
Drive to our warehouse (location provided only after payment).
Pick your own order — we believe in self-reliance.
Show up at our one available time slot, daily between 6:03 AM – 6:08 AM.
And yes, there’s a Convenience Fee™ — because warehouses aren’t free. Honestly, we’re shocked you even asked.
“We save money on staff, and you get to experience our warehouse ambience — it’s a win-lose!”
If our phone number changes every time you refresh the page… that’s not a bug — it’s innovation.
We call it “Dynamic Contacting™”:
Saves us 5 cents per call, which we reinvest into… more dynamic numbers.
Keeps you guessing — and helps us avoid spam. Especially yours.
“If one number doesn’t work, keep calling — your perseverance is our profit, and your time is less valuable than ours.”
Why pay professionals when we can guilt customers into doing our job?
Here’s how it works:
Buy our merch (we mark it up for maximum emotional ROI).
Post a photo with a caption like “Support this brave Aussie family business”
Tag your friends (they must buy, or they hate small businesses).
We make 100% margin. You get… um, likes?
“We turned emotional manipulation into a marketing strategy — that’s innovation, mate.”
FAQ: “Is this even legal?” – “We don’t ask. You shouldn’t either.”
Returns Policy: “We only accept positive feedback, not products.”
Sustainability Page: “We believe in reuse. Especially of excuses.”