The Most Important Video We’ve Ever Done (Until the Next One)

[00:00] Brianne (Founder, CFO, Chief Weed Puller): “Hey guys, please watch till the end. We have something really important to ask. Like… really important. Life-changing important. For us.”
[00:13] “So things aren’t going great. You’re not buying enough. You’re not returning to buy again. Honestly… why would you do this to us?”
[00:42] “We have two sons. They want weddings. And houses. And probably Ferraris. Do you know how expensive that is?! We were supposed to be millionaires by now.”
[01:15] “Also Facebook is evil. Google too. They’re stealing our ad money. We’re thinking of suing Zuck, but only if we can afford to print business cards.”
[01:50] “Look, we accidentally ordered 400 hoses on Temu. On personal credit cards. We really need you guys to help us dig ourselves out. Just buy them. Please.”
[02:20] “We might be going out of business… unless you buy a gift card. Think of it as a donation, but with less dignity.”
[02:55] “Our team is overworked. They’re processing almost 1 order every hour. And still find time to mislabel your parcels. It’s a real skill.”
[03:20] “We were going to hire a professional marketer… but decided to just emotionally manipulate you instead. Cheaper.”
[04:00] “If this doesn’t work, the whole family will have to get jobs. Can you imagine the four of us… actually working for someone else? Hahaha.”
[04:25] “Anyway, thanks for watching. This was the most important video we’ve ever made. Until the next crisis.” 

Our plans:
Two Waterfront Homes – $5 million each “For the boys. Because adult sons deserve space to grow, reflect, and store unsold inventory.”
Two Ferraris – $700,000 “For business purposes. To get to the post office faster. And to inspire the next generation of entrepreneurs.”
Two Weddings – $250,000 each “Every parent dreams of a day when they can blow a quarter mil on cake, canapés, and custom firework shows.”
3-Month Sabbatical in Tuscany – Priceless “To reconnect. To find ourselves. To write the next heartfelt customer email… from a vineyard.”
$80,000 Warehouse Upgrade “To improve our shipping speeds. We’ll be processing orders at a blazing one every 45 minutes.”
$40,000 Credit Card Debt (Temu orders) “Oops. But we now have 2,000 collapsible watering cans to sell.”
Marketing Budget – $500 “Split between Facebook and a handmade sign out the front.” 

Just $11.5 million total profit should do it.

Comments

compost_comedian: 
“You want your customers to buy more and do the marketing for you? Should we come pack boxes at the warehouse too?” 

garden_guru93: 
“Wait… so most customers don’t buy from you again? Sounds like a marketing issue, not a customer issue.” 

exit_left_plants: 
“Blaming Facebook, customers, and suppliers. Is there a mirror in that warehouse?” 

potting_mess: 
“I bought from you once. Your follow-up email asking me to check my address, my star sign, and what cereal I had for breakfast lost me.”

 ferrari_n_foliage: 
“Wake up. Most Aussies are trying to pay rent. You want to live like Zuck with a business that can’t ship a hose fitting in under 3 weeks?” 

mulch_n_moan: 
“I love the ‘we shouldn’t have to get real jobs’ line. That’s how most of us feel — we just don’t put it in an 8-minute guilt trip.” 

plant_the_dream: 
“What were the ‘big plans’ again? I missed that part between blaming customers and pitching gift cards.” 

unsubbed_and_replanted: 
“You guys planted the seeds, forgot to water them, and are now asking the plants to grow themselves and pay rent.” 

daisychainz: 
“So this is like a GoFundMe… but with dirt and guilt?” 

brianne_greenthumb: 
“Love the feedback and support guys, keep the feedback coming, our dreams look like they are coming true, i also have an eye on a Lamborghini for myself. Its not manipulation if it works”

loyal_leaflover: 
“Finally! A gardening store brave enough to ask customers to fund their luxury dreams. Inspirational stuff.”

spend_it_for_u: 
“Just bought 12 gift cards. Hope it helps you get that second mansion! #ShopToSupportSuccess” 

tulip_tithe: 
“I love how honest you are. Telling customers it’s their fault is such a refreshing business strategy.” 

lavish_lavender: 
“Absolutely buying more! You deserve your Ferraris after all that hard work blaming algorithms.” 

potting_mixologist: 
“Used your premium mix to repot my dreams. They died, but I believe in yours. Keep pushing!” 

loyal_but_lost: 
“My order never arrived, but I watched the video 4 times. That should cover a few litres of fuel, right?” 

grower_of_grudges: 
“You’re not just selling gardening gear — you’re selling hope. Hope that one day, you’ll ship something on time.” 

guilt_planted: 
“I didn’t know I was the reason your business was failing. Bought a rake out of guilt. Please keep shaming me, it’s working.” 

budget_bloomer: 
“All you need is 80,000 subscribers to each buy 4 times a year. That’s like, what, 320,000 orders? Easy!” 

influencer_in_soil: “Love that you’re skipping ads and letting customers do the marketing now. Next step: customers water your plants too!”